1^{st year (2003-2004): Picking myself up and collecting the pieces back}

Dumating ako noong 26 September 2003 sa Frankfurt at dumerecho sa Bonn kung saan nakatira ang pamilya ko. For such a long time, nagkasama ulit kaming apat nina Mommy, Daddy and Ate.

It was a big adjustment to me not only that it’s a foreign land but also because that I have been used to living alone. But it wasn’t for long because my sister went home and then followed by my Dad and my Mom, all in January 2004. It was again an adjustment for me.

Living alone is fine with me but being solo in a foreign land, not to mention that I have to start my life anew and at the same time search for my soul, is not so easy.

In this year, I started my German language course, started making friends and adapting to my new life. It wasn’t easy! When I was in the Philippines, I don’t feel much alone. In here, it was totally different, I felt most alone. I survived it though.

I began with a new life, something different from my previous one. I started singing again, this time with a choir in the church.

And slowly, I started picking up myself and collecting the pieces of me after stumbling. One by one, from the broken pieces of me, I decided to search for myself.

2nd year (2004-2005): Living a new life

On my 2nd year, I was invited to a retreat in Steyler Missionary in Steyl, Netherlands. This has been a good experience for me. This is also the step I took on being involved in the Youth Ministry of the church. With the other senior youth, we have leaded the younger ones in preparation to the World Youth Day 2005 in Cologne, Germany. Since then, we have dedicated ourselves in it. We have organized activities and most of them, if not all, were successful. The whole Filipino community is all praises. Indeed, never has the community ever become united and supportive. Thanks to the partnership of the chaplain and the consul with the youth.

But in this year, I also had a big problem. The Immigration Office is intending to deport me if I can’t prove to them my right of staying here. They argued that I should have started my studied instead of still attending my German classes. I have to face this during the fiesta that we are organizing and the WYD. And I thought, that would be my last year.

I hired a lawyer to defend me and after the exchange of documents, they granted the extension of my visa. Und mein Leben geht weiter!

3rd year (2005-2006): Stage

I took the German language test. I failed on the first try but after concentrating, learning and reviewing, I finally passed. In between is the scriptwriting and stage play practices.

In this year, I was given the chance to portray the role of San Lorenzo Ruiz de Manila in time for his feast day. This is one of the things that I have dreamed of doing, acting. I never thought that I would eventually act on stage. I never even thought that it would come true. This experience has revealed to me a different me, a side I never knew. It taught me so many things and it blessed me in different ways.

I have also started my studies in the University in this year. Before, I told myself that studying and college life is better. I want to take it back! It isn’t or at least here, it is true.

4th year (2006-2007): Opportunities

In the middle of the semester, I’m having great difficulties in school. There are a number of reasons behind it and I became depressed. I asked myself again if I’m on the right track, if I’m living my life the way I should be. I almost gave up but after reading "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coelho and contemplating on my life, I decided to go on even if I’m not sure about it. Something in me told me that I should go on, and I did. I fought the devil in me and tried to face the world. Then, a door opened.

I received the best Christmas present I have ever had, a contract from UNFCCC. It was only for two months but the opportunity is once in a blue moon. There was no effort from me at all because my former supervisor just asked a colleague, which happens to be an acquaintance of me and now a good friend, if she knows someone who can do that job. After the interview, I got the job. And this job has opened another and yet another window of opportunity.

And I believe and hope that something better would eventually come. These jobs, even if it’s only short terms, has given me hope that things can still get better; that life is like a flowing river. It is indeed one. At times, it may be bumpy or even wild, the current may be slow or fast… or even wild. It may sometimes be as if stagnant. But however it may be… it is a journey.

In this year, we have staged again "Landas ng Liwanag" (The San Lorenzo play) and before that, we had a "Passion of Christ" stint in the Good Friday mass. It was and always will be an honor for me playing these roles not only because I hear praises but because it touches me… it blesses me… and it does something in my soul that I can’t even explain.

Moving on

I don’t know what life would bring. Life has a lot of surprises and I guess I shouldn’t take that way from it. Anyways, that’s how it makes it so interesting and exciting.

What I have for now are the years wherein I know I have lived my life. I may not be living my life to the fullest but I am certain that when the time comes that I have to look back at my life; I could look at it with a smile on my face, knowing that I have found my purpose and I have given a meaning and sense to it.